#1

Is this what it's come to? Me sitting here writing something that no one will ever see, in near tears from sheer stress and frustration?

Why me? What did I do to deserve to get shot down and blown up every single time something good happens? It's like life says to me "oh something good happened to you eh? Well we can't have that..." Is it my general lack of faith? Is it because I'm a bad person and have done something wrong? Is it just because I'm too nice, too polite, or too sweet?

I don't believe anyone anymore. I'm constantly worrying about something. I never get a good nights sleep. I live in constant frustration with who I am, who I'm becoming and who I'm going to be. I'm chronically depressed. My passion is gone. My motor vanished somewhere along the way.

I have no idea why I keep picking myself up if I'm only going to fall back down again. I might as well just crawl anywhere. Less far you are off the bottom the lesser the fall right?

They say get help, but I don't even want to look for it. Life has always taught me to take charge of my own life.  People will always let you down in the end. You can't trust anyone. People always ask what I want to do in life and I always answer the same way; "I don't know." All I really want to say is "things I know will make me happy" but if nothing genuinely makes me happy what's the point?

And yet everyday I somehow place all of this in a little bottle with a cork that will hold everything in for at least a time. I put on a face every single morning because that's who I'm expected to be. I'm the one that's different. The one that doesn't have problems. The one that has the infectious smile. The one who keeps his integrity. The one who will listen even when no one else will.

I just wish someone could take care of my bottle.